So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
