i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
