you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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