like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
