omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
