i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
