if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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