Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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