She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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