The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
