you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
