She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
