just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
