Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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