dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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