i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
