shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
