Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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