Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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