There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
