Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize