it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
