your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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