I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
