I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
