stop calling my apartment porn island.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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