Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
