i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
