I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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