if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
