On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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