I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
