you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
