i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
