I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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