Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
