Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Plan B is the new Plan A
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
