Umm I'm too high to move.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize