who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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