It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize