Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
