I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
