moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
