How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This is my gift to your gina
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
