I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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