I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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