I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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