you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
