Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
