My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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