mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
