You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
