if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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