Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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