my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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