just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
