i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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