We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
