If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
