I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
