You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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