I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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