guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She announced her abortion via fbk
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
