Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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