Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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