.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize