U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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