I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize