wanna go halves on a baby?
In America we eat man semen.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
