I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
