Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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