I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
