We're like a lot better than the average bears
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
