finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
