I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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