Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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