Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
