gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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