she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
