If that was your dad, he is hot
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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