go do what you do best...puke behind churches
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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