I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize