I think I am morally bankrupt
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
