you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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