Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
