so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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