I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
