I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
