i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
