What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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