Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
please come you make the beer taste better
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
