Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
