yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
