census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
