Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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