Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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