sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
