What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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