The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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